65 and now what

65 yo and all of sudden your life is turned upside down.  Your husband of 39 years is someone who you didn’t even know.  One day all these truths started to come up.  God did say what is done in the dark will come to light (Luke 8:17 – For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light).  Well that day came 2.5 years ago.  I tried and tried to make it work.  But this person refused to make amends or build trust.  So how do you move from there?  I cried to God.  I remember His promises and I am still waiting to see what my future will hold .  How do you hold on when the future is so different than what you expected.  When  the person that you truste to have your back isn’t even the person that you thought he was.  You wake up and it is all a lie.  Sure, there was good times.  Don’t get me wrong.  And you remember those times.  But then you remember the lies, the deceipt.  His ability to look you in the eyes and say “I Love you”.  And then to find out years later that it was easy to be others and give away affection, words of love or fantasy to someone else.  How can that be?  And you, devoted your entire life to someone that you trusted with your heart, to find out that they just didn’t care and risked it all for their sheer lust and pleasure.  How do you bounce back from that?  I pray, seek His will for my life.  I cry out.  I have to admit, just writing this is freeing.  I have so much anger that I don’t know what to do with it.  What do you do with that anger?  Journaling is good.  Crying out to God is great.  I know that He can handle my pain, my anger, my indecisions as I process this divorce.  A divorce that I didn’t want and never thought would ever happen after 37 years.  My discovery day was 2.5 years ago.  We aren’t divorced yet.  2025 marked 39 years.  Who lasts that long.  Me, who didn’t take the signs to get out as real.  I felt that he was cheating but didn’t get the hard evidence.  Even my sister said, years before, if you feel it he is doing it.  Fast forward, it was all true.  39 years of lies, deceipt and deception.  So many emotions race through my head.  I can see why some want to just end it all.  But I have to remember that God is sovereign.  He controls all.  He has the best in mind for me.  Sometimes, I don’t feel it and wish that I wasn’t born.  But I am trying hard to hold on to His promises.  What else do I have.